You Wear It Well

Unsolicited Advice for Pop Culture Fashionistas

IF YOU’RE going to wear a t-shirt featuring a musician, sports team, or whatever in public, you had best prepare yourself to discuss that musician, sports team, or whatever in great detail.

I recently wore my Chicago Cubs 2016 World Series Champions shirt to a restaurant, even though I haven’t been keeping up with the team since 2016. A complete stranger immediately interrupted my search for complimentary mints.

“Hey, the Cubs are doing pretty good this season, huh?”

I had no idea, so I played the No habla Ingles, Señor card, confident there were no ICE agents within earshot.

I regretted my assholier-than-thou attitude immediately. I was guilty of terrifying youngsters in Sublime t-shirts on many occasions.

“What, is it shitty band day? Name one #$%*ing Sublime song besides ‘Santeria’ or ‘What I Got’!” I may have been foaming at the mouth when I said that.

When I got home, I researched the Chicago Cubs for seventeen hours, stopping only for pee breaks and three dozen of my favorite Substackers “going live.” Turns out my beloved Cubbies are at the top of the National League Central, and it will be easy for me to keep up now since the team has its own web site. I don’t even have to watch the games!

I’m looking forward to winter. I have a My Neighbor Totoro hoodie I’m dying to drop back into the rotation. I can talk Totoro and Cat Bus all day.