Newly Unearthed Deleted Scene from Oliver Stone’s Immortal Classic “JFK”

Take THAT, Zapruder, ya fuckin' hack.

Kevin Costner as New Orleans District Attorney Jim Gaffigan in Oliver Stone’s pornographic milestone JFK (1991).

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Considering that Oliver Stone’s JFK ran three hours and change during its celebrated 1991 theatrical release, and that the last “Director’s Cut” DVD to emerge nearly doubled that running time, you’d think there would be no more cutting room floor goodies to throw out there.

Well, think again, conspiracy nuts. Although several members of Mr. Stone’s cast and crew confirm the following scene was shot, sadly, the footage has yet to turn up. But…good news! I did get my finely manicured mitts on a copy of the script, and I’m tickled pink to share it with you.

INT. NEW ORLEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY JIM GARRISON’S OFFICE.

GARRISON AND HIS STAFF ARE INTO ANOTHER ALL-NIGHT BRAINSTORMING SESSION, POLISHING UP THE PROSECUTION’S CASE IN THE MURDER OF PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY.

ASHTRAYS FULL OF LUCKY STRIKES – SOME STILL AFIRE – AND A CONFERENCE TABLE COVERED IN DOCUMENTS, PHOTOS, NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS, AND (OF COURSE) HUGE POTS OF COFFEE.

						GARRISON
				I’ll go you one further, Bill.
				I’m starting to believe that
				maybe Oswald wasn’t even IN 
				Dallas the day President Kennedy
				was shot.

						BILL
				What are you saying, Boss?

						GARRISON
				I’m saying that I’ve been through
				all nine hundred and thirty-eight
				volumes of the Warren Commission
				Report – twice – and not once do
				they even consider that Oswald
				could have been abducted by
				Space Men and replaced with a 
				doppelganger.

						BILL
					(highly caffeinated by 
					this point)
				Jesus, Boss! Now you’re bringing
				SPACE MEN into this?!

						GARRISON
				Now hear me out, Bill. For all we
				know, Lee Harvey Oswald could be
				living high on the hog somewhere
				on the planet Zanex at this very
				moment.

BILL PACES THE ROOM, SWEAT POURING DOWN HIS FACE.

						BILL
				So what now, Boss? Do we bring
				the Space Men in for depositions?

						GARRISON
					(sucks on pipe)
				The Space Men don’t have the 
				guts to pull this off on their
				own. They had to have been 
				recruited by the FBI. Or the
				CIA. Or the ONI. Or LBJ. Or the
				KKK.

BILL COLLAPSES INTO AN EMPTY CHAIR.

						BILL
				Can I go home now?

						GARRISON
				Susie, I need you to walk down
				to the Quarter. See if you can
				round up one of these Space Men.

SUSIE STANDS UP. HEADS FOR THE DOOR.

						SUSIE
				Sure, Boss. This is a man’s
				world, after all.

						GARRISON
				You got that right, darlin.’
				Now, take your time. This time
				of year, those weirdos are gonna
				be a little hard to spot.

GARRISON SMACKS SUSIE ON THE ASS AS SHE MAKES HER WAY OUT INTO THE NIGHT. SHE TURNS HER HEAD BEFORE SHE GOES. WINKS AT GARRISON. SMILES, DEEPLY SATISFIED.

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For Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.